Joe Purtell
Humanities
3/25/10
The Somalian Tribes Versus the Ibo
Pre-colonial Somalians were politically similar to the pre-colonial Ibo. These communities had two similar political practices. The Somalians and the Ibo were both ruled by councils of elders and had a blood compensation practice. Many of the Ibo’s decisions were made by councils of elders, “The elders of the clan had decided” (Achebe 27). The Somalian tribes, the Dir, Issaq, Darod, Hawiye, Digil, and Rahanweyne for example, were ruled by councils of elders (Marian Aguiar “Somali”). The Ibo also had a blood price of sorts. When an Ibo woman was killed they asked for “a young man and a virgin as compensation” (Achebe 11). The virgin replaced the woman that was killed and the young man was eventually slaughtered. The Somalians had a similar practice with a different name, it was called diya, blood compensation (Marian Aguiar “Somali”). The Somalian tribes and the Ibo were similar, despite the fact that the rested on opposite coasts, nearly 3,000 miles apart.
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Hey,
ReplyDeleteI really liked your paragraph. It has some really nice transitions and your quotes support your ideas. Your idea is portrayed well. You have really good explanations for your evidence. But to make it stronger, I think you should flesh it out some more. Specifically, the topic and analysis/conclusion sentences. If you added some more facts in the topic sentence it would be even better.
Nice job!
-Anna
Joe,
ReplyDeleteThis was a really good paragraph. Your ideas were concise and clear and your main idea was interesting. Yet, I think you could have expanded a bit on your idea. Maybe add more commentary in your analysis's or introduce your evidence in more depth. Also, in your first quote the transition from the introduction to the text is a bit awkward. Perhaps think about a more a effective way of doing that. Otherwise good job!!
-Ayluonne
Joe,
ReplyDeleteGood paragraph. All of your ideas were clear, concise, and organized well. Although the paragraph is short, you still supported your ideas with evidence.
Very readable. Nice work.
-Gabriel
Hey Joe,
ReplyDeleteI really like the way that you were very clear about what your ideas were, and you supported them very clearly. You went straight to the point, and got your point across very efficiently, in a manner that I thought was very impressive. Something that could help you with your idea development would be perhaps to make your ideas a bit more concise your ideas within your topic sentence. Other than that detail, I really liked the way that you compared these two very distant tribes. Nice job!
-Luke
Hey Joe,
ReplyDeletei like the way you presented you data and evidence. I feel that what you did talk about was very clear and organized, but you could have focused on other similarities to make you point even more clear. Nice work!
Hey Joe,
ReplyDeleteI like your paragraph it was concise and got right to the point. You had some really well blended quotes and a strong topic sentence and a concluding sentence that related back to the beginning. In between your evidence, better transition would have helped your paragraph flow better but over all you got your ideas out clear and concisely. It was well written, good job!
-Kathleen
Joe,
ReplyDeleteI loved the fact that your piece of work is short but carries a lot of detail and wit. Your argument is good but your transition to the next topic was a bit odd. Read it over and move some of your sentences around maybe.
great work.
-Nidalia
Joe,
ReplyDeleteI really liked your essay. You put alot of great details into it. I think that you should focus on putting a little more facts into it. I think though, that it is a really great essay, because you used good specific quotes and facts, which kept the reader very interesting. I think a few look overs would garantee you a good paragraph. Nice Work!
This was probly the best paragraph I have ever read in my life!
ReplyDeleteJoe,
ReplyDeleteYou got to the point right away which I give you props for. It made it easy to read having very general statements and I liked that. Overall great job!
Jonny
Joe,
ReplyDeleteThis paragraph was very nice to read. It had a logical beginning, middle, and end, and the syntax almost perfect. The quotes were cited perfectly, and it was clear that you re-read your piece thoroughly.
Good Job!
-Andreas
Your paragraph is nice and concise, but doesn't lack information at all. It gets straight to the point, and your thoughts come across very well. Nice job
ReplyDeleteMarissa
I believe you did a good job keeping it a shorten paragraph but still concise. Its a super straightforward paragraph that uses well cited information.
ReplyDeleteConcise, effective and thoughtful. Good job! The pieces of evidence were helpful to your case. However, there were a couple things that weren't quite as strong as the rest. When talking about the Ibo demanding blood in return for blood, you say "The Ibo also had a blood price of sorts", of sorts is a little odd. The diya of the somalians is barley explained when compared to the Ibo. Other than that, Great Job.
ReplyDeleteHarry Sherman