Saturday, March 27, 2010

Precolonial Paragraph

Kathleen Matthews
Humanities
3/25/10

Looking at Africa’s pre-colonial history some societies have similarities, but looking at Rwanda’s Hutu and Tutsi people and an Ibo village located in Nigeria, their pre-colonial past shows that the two societies political systems were very different from each other. In the Ibo society their government was a group of elders and high society men who came together to make important decisions for their tribe. Unlike the Rwanda government, the lords of the clan made decision together with the men of the society. In the Ibo society, success was not limited to a certain group of people. In the book Things Fall Apart, the narrator talks about a man named Okonkwo whose father was considered a failure and because of that Okonkwo was scared to be a failure too. In a conversation between two men, they talk about how Okonkwo impresses them because he “…has risen so suddenly from great poverty and misfortune to be one of the lords of the clan” (Achebe 26). Although, men who had more power or were an elder had more respect, Ibo’s government was not set up like a hierarchy system. While in Rwanda, their government was set up as a hierarchy. There would be a king, who then had official who were in charge of the clans around Rwanda, these officials were in charge of administration of agricultural lands, supervision of grazing lands/cattle, and recruitments for army (“Rwanda”). Rwanda’s society is made of up mainly of Tutsi, and Hutu people. From the Tutsi having a better diet, physical difference, and from being more developed they acquire all of the powerful and diplomatic position in Rwanda society while the Hutu were the common citizens and farmers of the state. As time went on someone with distinction of features of how one looks or if their occupation was raising cattle or in politics someone could be a Tutsi, while a farmer or lower class men would be Hutu (“Rwanda”). Being Hutu or Tutsi became a name instead of an ethnic group, "...the state in Rwanda defined rulers and subjects as belonging to two distinct social groups, pastoralist and agriculturalist, one noble, the other commoner" ("Ethnicity in Rwanda: An Interpretation"). Being Tutsi meant that you had the opportunity to be in politics and have power, while in Nigeria in the Ibo tribe someone who was a leader of the tribe that was respected would have multiple wives, barns full of yams, and a high title. In the Ibo tribe in Things Fall Apart, members of the tribe can take titles through expensive ceremonies, and by taking more titles, the higher up someone is in the tribes’ social and political system. In the book, it tells of a man named Okeye who is “not a failure like Unoka. He had a large barn full of yams and he had three wives. And now he was going to take the Idemili title, the third highest in the land. It was very expensive ceremony and he was gathering all his resources together” (Achebe 7). This man is admired and respected, and someone who has a high title in the Ibo society is a leader of the clan. Therefore, unlike Rwanda political system in the Ibo tribe people would buy and work there way to politics, while in Rwanda it depended on which ethnic group you were born into so if you were Hutu you could be stuck with no power or voice for the rest of your life.

12 comments:

  1. Hey,
    I really liked how gave detailed descriptions of the difference between The Hutu and The Tutsi. But at times, I think you got a little bit off topic and stared comparing them to each other and not as much to the Ibo. I also think you picked a very interesting topic to write about, and your idea was very clear in the conclusion/ analysis.
    Nice paragraph!
    -Anna

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  2. Kathleen,

    I enjoyed reading your paragraph. It was very thorough in explaining the Hutu and Tutsi and although it may have drifted a little bit off of your main idea, it was helpful in seeing the differences. Also, the way you tied all of your ideas together in the conclusion of your paragraph (analysis) was very well done! Your ideas were clearly stated and the contrast between the two societies was thoughtfully described.
    -Ayluonne

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  3. Kathleen,

    You wrote an effective paragraph. Your ideas develop throughout the entire piece. Even though you could truncate your work a bit, all of your ideas comparing the Hutu and Tutsi were supported with good evidence.

    Good job.

    -Gabriel

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hi,
    I really liked the way that you organized your paragraph. You were very clear with the portrayal of your idea, and you presented your ideas in a very confident manner. Also, the way that you tied it all together in your conclusion was very clear and understandable. I think that if you could have maybe been more concise with your ideas throughout the paragraph it would have been a little bit easier to grasp your concepts as a reader, but other than that I thought that you did a very good job stating your ideas, and supporting them efficiently. Nice job!

    Best,
    Luke

    ReplyDelete
  5. Hey,
    I liked the organization of your paragraph, the way you presented you evidence proved your considerable knowledge. I do feel that you could have improved you already excellent paragraph by being more concise. Excellent work!
    -Walker

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  6. Kathleen,
    This is a fantastic piece of work. Well done.
    Your main ideas were documented very well and your explanations and descriptions were great.
    Also maybe try to make it a bit shorter and reorganize some of your thoughts.
    Excellent work!
    -Nidalia

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  7. Kathleen
    I enjoyed this piece of writing very much. You expressed and detailed the several quotes and facts throughout your paragraph.
    One grammatical error that I found was "Rwanda’s society is made of up mainly of Tutsi, and Hutu people." Just switch the up and the of and that's it. Besides that I really liked reading your paragraph. Great work.
    -Morgan

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  8. Your evidence supported your thesis very well. It was not clear weather you were comparing modern Rwanda or Rwanda in precolonial times. Over all a good paragraph.
    -Joe

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  9. Hey Kathleen,
    Your writing was interesting, and had lots of information to support your thesis. But, you could spend a little more time plotting it out because you wrote some unnessecary stuff. Overall I thought it was very good!
    Jonny

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  10. I really like the detail in your evidence. The length of the work gives an in-depth explanation of the facts too. Although the first sentence is a bit foggy, you pulled it all together really well at the end. Nice!

    Marissa

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  11. "Looking at Africa’s pre-colonial history some societies have similarities,"

    i dont really think that this is a necessary sentence.
    its a little lengthy but its informative and very much detailed

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  12. Very good! Not too wordy nor too short, a well executed essay. The quotes were flawless and you projected yourself throughout the essay. However, in some places you included sentences that weren't necessarily important to the aim of the essay, for example, the first part of the first sentence, "Looking at Africa’s pre-colonial history some societies have similarities", is irrelevant to your topic. Other than the occasional ommetence of a the ("for_army"), it was flawless.
    -Harry Sherman

    ReplyDelete