Saturday, March 27, 2010

Compare and Contrast Paragraph

Ayluonne Tereszk
Humanities
Compare and Contrast Paragraph
March 25, 2010

Through contrasting the Ibo tribe of Things Fall Apart against the Shona Tribe of Great Zimbabwe one can see that their versions of economy differed greatly. Whilst the wealth and economy of the Ibo tribe was based on the personal achievement of obtaining a flourishing farm and the exclusive trading of yams within the circle of households, the Shona Tribe’s economy was similar to modern times and was based on the expansive domain of their trading post and profitable resources of gold and ivory. In Chinua Achebe’s Things Fall Apart, the economy seemed to have revolved around the agriculture of the land and thus a man’s wealth was gained through successful obtainment this attribute. The exhibition of an ideal wealthy Ibo man is Okoye, whom “had a large barn full of yams and he had three wives. And now he was going to take the Idemili title, the third highest in the land. It was a very expensive ceremony and he was gathering all of his resources together” (Achebe 6). The possession of a bountiful yam farm allowed an Ibo man to purchase a multitude of brides and afford the elaborate ceremonies needed to accept the honor of a title. In addition, the only trading or distribution of a form of currency was in the form of yams and at times bags of cowries, and the exchange was within a group of Ibo households. When Okonkwo was beginning his farm he acquired yams from men in the tribe, such as Nwakibie who exclaimed, “I shall give you twice four hundred yams. Go prepare your farm” … “[Okonkwo] hoped to get another four hundred from his fathers friends at Isiuzo” (Achebe 22). The exchange of the Ibo’s form of currency was limited to other Ibo households or neighboring villages. However, Shona Tribe’s form of economy consisted of purchasing and trading the lucrative resources of their land and therefore involved correlation with outside sources. They founded their wealth upon the trade of gold and ivory and in fact when the abundance of these two resources was discovered, Great Zimbabwe became one of the most powerful and flourishing trading posts on the coast of the Indian Ocean (Great Zimbabwe). The civilization gained its wealth through this trade and “by the thirteenth century the hilltop village had become a major gold-trading center, located advantageously between the gold-bearing plateau and numerous African and Arab trading posts on the Indian Ocean coast…The presence of such luxury items [gold, china, pearls] from so far away demonstrates Great Zimbabwe's valuable connections with traders on the east coast of Africa” (Great Zimbabwe). The Shona Tribe gained and distributed wealth through associating with foreign civilizations and thus could be considered more economically advanced then the yam-exchanging civilization of the Ibo. In conclusion, the economy of the Ibo tribe was dissimilar to the Shona Tribe of Great Zimbabwe due to the fact that the Ibo’s economy focused on agriculture, yams and exchanging with the limited circle of Ibo’s while the Shona’s economy was based on trading gold and ivory with the world beyond theirs and resembles the exporting economy of the modern world.

11 comments:

  1. Hi,
    I like your paragraph because it is very professional and organized. Your information flows logically and it is tied up well in the conclusion/ analysis. The conclusion is kind of a run-on sentence and would benefit if it was broken up. But, it is very detailed and it introduces a new idea. Very nice.
    -Anna

    ReplyDelete
  2. This is a very well written, clear, concise, well organized paragraph. Your ideas about their respective trading system were very well supported with the evidence that you presented to the reader. As an observer, I also really enjoyed reading this because you sounded very confident with the points that you gave. One thing that you might have considered doing would maybe try to make the sentences more concise in the sense that they were shorter, and more of a "direct route" to your point. Other than that, great job!

    Best,
    Luke

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hey Ayluonne,
    This paragraph was eloquently written with good word choice, not only did it help make the paragraph flow but it made it sound more sophisticated. You also had well blended quotes and good transitions from one piece of evidence to another. Great job!
    -Kathleen

    ReplyDelete
  4. You used words that fit the situation well, although some were obscure (whilst). Your paragraph was also organized well.
    -Joe

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  5. Ayluonne,

    This is a good paragraph with many strong arguments and ideas, but I feel that you could eliminate some wordiness and still address your points with equal effectiveness. Other than that, you had good idea development, clarity, organization, and citations.

    Excellent work.

    -Gabriel

    ReplyDelete
  6. Hey Ayluonne,
    You have a good, well-thought out and well-written paragraph containing the exact evidence needed. You give good brief texts and give a thorough opinion. Your essay is well though out, organized and you gave understandable quotes and examples. Amazing work!
    -Morgan

    ReplyDelete
  7. Hey Ayluonne,
    This paragraph is well quoted and gives good information. The only thing I can suggest is to read it over and look at some of the sentence structure and there are some gramatical errors.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Ayluonne,
    Your paragraph is very well written, and many aspects of it reflect that you have a good understanding of the topic. Even though your paragraph is considerably longer than many of the others, you don't ramble on, or repeat yourself, which shows that it is a vary well thought out piece.

    Nice Job
    -Andreas

    ReplyDelete
  9. Ayluonne,
    This is a very creative and great piece of work. You mentioned your main points more then once which developed a good argument and you used your quotes well. Nice job.
    -Nidalia

    ReplyDelete
  10. Your topic sentence covers what you're going to write on, and then you go into deeper and deeper detail on your ideas. It's greatly structured, specific, and the conclusion pulls it all together. Nice :)

    Marissa

    ReplyDelete
  11. Great Essay! Especially loved how clear you made the quotes and the work you did to clarify even further with your explanations. The comparison between the Shona's tribe economy and modern economy was great. The topic sentence was a little to general. "Through Contrasting" could also be changed a little. Be sure to italicize or otherwise indicate that "Things Fall Apart" is a novel/book. Great Job!
    -Harry Sherman

    ReplyDelete